When I was little, my father was famous. He was the greatest samurai in the empire and he was the Shogun’s decapitator. He cut off the heads of a hundred and thirty-one lords. It was a bad time for the empire. The Shogun just stayed inside his castle and he never came out. People said his brain was infected by devils. My father would come home and he would forget about the killings. He wasn’t scared of the Shogun, but the Shogun was scared of him. Maybe that was the problem… Then, one night… the Shogun sent his ninja spies to our house. They were supposed to kill my father… but they didn’t. That was the night everything changed.
I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs. I watched a prostitute stab a clown. Our basketball hoop was a ribcage. A ribcage! Some guy with dreads electrocute my fish. I seen a blind guy bite a police horse. A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom. I once bit into a burrito and there was a child’s shoe in it. I seen a hooker eat a tire. A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s. The projects I lived in was named after Zachary Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst Presidents of all time. I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo. They were very drunk!